The Batman movie we deserve

Hey everybody. I'm back and, once again, you're in the line of fire! With the recent release of Man of Steel (review forthcoming), DC has finally made a movie that will be a suitable starting point for an expanded DC cinematic universe (or DCCU as I'll be calling it now). With that, hopefully, we'll be seeing Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern (done correctly with a script that doesn't suck...more on that in another post), Aquaman and even Martian Manhunter come to the big screen. With these characters will have to come a new version of my all time favorite super hero, Batman. I have spent many hours and many conversations speculating over what's next for the Caped Crusader and how it should be carried out. Here are the things that I think would make the next big screen outing for the Dark Knight the best Batman film of all time:

1. Do not do another origin story.

The first issue of the Year One storyline

In 1987, we got our first look at the early career of Batman with Frank Miller's excellent mini-series Batman: Year One. It's not 1987 anymore. Year One has been around for 26 years. Batman Begins, which came out in 2005, was largely an adaptation of Year One. Year One has its own animated adaptation which is pretty much lifted panel for panel out of the comics. Scott Snyder is spending the entire summer on a mini-series called Zero Year which is his own version of Batman's early career.

Zero Year logo

 To cap it all off, Warner Bros. Montreal is releasing the video game Batman: Arkham Origins, which is, you guessed it, a video game about Batman's early career.

Screen shot from Batman: Arkham Origins

We have 5 different versions of the origin story here. All of them are pretty recent and mainstream. Don't spend another movie retreading the same old ground. If you don't know the origin story of one of the biggest pop culture icons in history, here it is: When he was eight, Bruce Wayne saw his parents get killed in a random act of street crime. When he got older, he left home to travel the world and train himself to become the ultimate crime fighter. He came home, dressed up in a bat costume and now beats up criminals while maintaining the persona of a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist (Tony Stark can suck it). There it is. I summed it up in 3 sentences. Now no more origin stories. We already know it and haven't forgotten any of it. So don't make it again.



2. Have Bruce be well into his career as Batman.

This goes along with the last point. The cool thing about Tim Burton's Batman movies is that when the first movie starts, Batman is at least 3 years into his career.

I'm Batman, and I know what I'm doing

 I don't want the Batman who's tripping over his cape and trying to find out who he is. I want Batman already in his niche and already has an arsenal of working and reliable gadgets. I want a Batman who's taken down entire crime syndicates and has made so much noise that people are actually believing he exists. Heck, I want him to be getting more and more brutal and less and less human. Why? Because it leads to the next thing that needs to be in this new Batman movie.



3. Robin

Tim Drake as Robin. Doesn't he just look awesome?  

"Robin is a total fag!" "Robin sucks!" "Robin is a Hit-Girl ripoff!" "Chris O'Donnell sucks!" I know what you people are thinking. Let me go ahead and say that all of you are WRONG! The only correct statement above is that Chris O'Donnell sucks. Yea, he was the worst thing to ever happen to Robin (including getting brutally beaten by Joker and the insufferable Damian Wayne).

Chris O'Donnell as the worst adaptation of Robin ever

 However, Robin is way different from this. Robin is there to keep Batman human. He's the one light in the gloom of Batman's life. If handled right, Robin can be a spectacular character. His last big screen appearance was the atrocious Batman and Robin in 1997 (JGL doesn't count). We need Robin back. We need Dick Grayson, Jason Todd and Tim Drake.

Dick Grayson as the hero Nightwing

All 3 of them need to be present in this new Batman franchise. They all have great potential for their own franchises too. How awesome would a Nightwing movie be?  Or how about a Titans movie? Red Hood?

Jason Todd as the anti-hero Red Hood

 Robin holds a lot of untapped potential. He doesn't have to be campy either. Have you seen Young Justice? That's a great version of Robin. How about the new web series Grayson: Earth One? That's a pretty grim version of Dick Grayson. Just give us more Robin.


4. Fully embrace the fantasy.

Is this really too much to ask for?

This is a movie about a billionaire who dresses up like a bat, jumps off rooftops, and beats criminals with his fists. Why on earth would you be preoccupied with realism? Why try to make a crime drama that just happens to feature Batman? Go for broke! Have Mr. Freeze in a cryogenic suit with a freeze gun. Have Poison Ivy control plants and have a mind control kiss. Have Killer Croc be a giant crocodile man. Screw realism and go crazy. This is going to be in a shared universe with a man from another planet who can fly and a guy who can break the sound barrier while running. Even if you want it all to be explainable, Superman had his own pseudo-science to explain his powers. If super hero movies are good at anything, it's making up pseudo-science to explain away all the fantasy.

5. Grey and black costume.

Doesn't that look awesome? 

If the New 52 comics and the Arkham games can prove anything, it's that the good old grey and black suit doesn't have to look like spandex. you can do a grey and black costume that still looks like armor. Just don't keep doing batsuits that are all black. batman needs the black, grey and yellow. Monochromatic costumes on heroes are BORING. Why does superman get two colors, but Batman doesn't?


6. Recast Joker and don't try to duplicate Heath Ledger.

Yes, he was brilliant, but he's not the only person who can touch Joker

A lot of people think that Joker shouldn't be done again because Heath Ledger can't be topped. Heath Ledger gave an amazing performance. His death was tragic. However, his Joker is not the definitive Joker. His Joker is vastly different from the comic book Joker. Don't try to beat Heath Ledger. Try to be different from him. Make a Joker that thinks killing people is funny. Make a Joker who has lots of tricks and devices. Don't retread old ground. Go a completely different route.


7. Stylish martial arts

Batman should take down multiple attackers at once!

Batman spent a lot of time training with various martial artists, but in Nolan's movies, we see him fight like a thug. Why? Why bother with the ninjas if you never show him kick any higher than his waistline? In the next movie, get Batman a better choreographer and have him throw more kicks and fight multiple enemies at once. Have him throw kicks and chops and hammer fists. Have him break bones and do Akido. Give the fights more spice!  

If the new movies follow those guide lines, we could have the best Batman movie ever. Until next time, This is the Howitzer saying keep your head down, because you're in the line of fire!